Dorm & Roommate Pranks

About three years ago Ipods were just becoming the rage and my roommate Markus wanted a piece of the action. He had recently received a paycheck for about five hundred bucks and instead of putting it towards something useful like the rent, he thought it would be best to go and order an Ipod from Apple.

It was about a two week wait for the Ipod and during those fourteen days all he talked about was Ipod this and Ipod that.

The Ipod was supposed to arrive on Saturday and Markus left town on Friday night for the weekend. Before he left he dropped a note under my door demanding that I wait around all day on Saturday to sign for his Ipod when it arrived and deliver it to his room. I was to set it on his bed and not touch it or go anywhere near his room until he got back on Sunday night.

The package arrived Saturday afternoon and I followed my orders perfectly, but as I was leaving Markus’s room I had a brilliant idea. I turned around and looked at the cardboard box sitting on Markus’s bed. It was roughly the same size as a cardboard box that I used in my room to sort mail. I brought my box, along with a razor blade into Markus’s room and began to carefully peel the shipping information off of the real package and attached it to my cardboard box.

The next step of my plan involved weight testing. I weighed the real package on a scale; it was about five pounds. I ran into our backyard and pried loose one of the bricks on our patio that also weighed about five pounds. I duct taped it to the bottom of the box so it wouldn’t slide around. The fake package was starting to look pretty legit.

The third and final part of my plan I tell with no shame, for it is one of the proudest moments of my life. I grabbed a gallon sized Ziploc bag, went into the bathroom, squatted over the toilet with the bag in between my legs and took one of the biggest, nastiest shits of my life. I sealed the bag shut, washed my hands (of course) and with a finishing touch wrote in big capital letters on the bag, “IPOOD.”

I put the bag in the fake package, taped it up all nice and neat and placed it neatly on top of Markus’s bed.

When Markus came home Sunday night he didn’t even say hello. Instead, like a kid on Christmas he ran up to his room signing to himself this Ipod song.

The song was catchy, but not as catchy as the list of profanities that he rattled off to me as he threw the bag labeled “IPOOD” at me while I was sitting on the couch watching TV. He called me an asshole and stormed off to his room ranting about how I didn’t respect his things. A week later he forgot it on the bus.

Submitted by: Ian Pfaff